The Last Supper is a study in dysfunctional relationships and Jesus’ commitment to maintain them at any cost. In fact, that’s the story of his entire ministry. True, he set firm boundaries with some pharisees, and his accommodating spirit reached its limits in the Court of the Gentiles. For the most part, however, Jesus put up with the pathologies of his close friends and family without setting the boundaries that keep relationships “healthy.” That was nowhere more apparent than on the night of his arrest and the dinner before it.
After opening the feast by declaring his life-long dream to celebrate that particular Passover with them, Jesus sat and listened to arguments about who was the greatest. When he finally challenged their hubris, he blurred more boundaries by washing their feet, including the one he knew would betray him. Peter was no Judas and made sure everyone knew he would die for the Rabbi, but Jesus knew better.
After supper, our Savior asked his friends to comfort him. He was terrified and his pleas sound more childlike than royal, but they were too full of wine and bread to keep watch and slept while he sweat blood. They woke when the guards came and scattered like sheep. Then, in the most extreme example of blame-taking ever recorded, Jesus gave himself to crucifixion, shame, and ultimately divine wrath so they wouldn’t have to.
Does that make him codependent? Despite this post’s title and the claims of deconstruction-types at the intersection of therapy and theology, the answer is no. But the way Jesus loved us should make us rethink how our instinct pull back when relationships are hard. Our love can’t save them. We can’t even save ourselves. That’s good theology and good psychology, but it’s not an excuse to leave relationships, much less the Church, because they hurt us.
After he washed their feet that night, Jesus told his disciples to serve one another in the same way. He said it was a new command. And who would we serve if we serve like Jesus? People who don’t listen to us. People who aren’t safe all the time. People who get in petty arguments when we are in need and fall asleep when we cry. People who think they’re better than they are and make promises they can’t keep. In other words, Jesus told us to serve church folks, family members, and friends; all the people with the power and proximity to hurt us. Live long enough and you might even serve someone who betrays you with a kiss.
To be sure, there are boundaries a loving person should never let another person cross, but the fact is that there are also burdens that a loving person should bear like Christ bore theirs.
